Terminator Salvation

It’s hard to see what Christian Bale was ranting and raving about; Terminator Salvation is just your standard, popcorn-friendly dud.

Directed by McG (change the name already, pal) this unneeded film brings nothing new to the franchise’s table, instead only confusing the few who care enough to follow along. We’re in the future. Judgement Day has come and gone as The Machines have pretty much annihilated everything. You see, the company that creates The Machines, SkyNet, has become self aware and sworn to kill every living thing. But why? We never know.

John Connor (Bale) is the self-asserted leader of The Resistance, i.e. the people who fight the machines. He thinks he’s found a way to kill every machine permanently, so he volunteers to trek to SkyNet headquarters and give it a go.

Meanwhile, lone tough guy Marcus (Sam Worthington) wanders around a barren LA, looking for some answers. He’s confused by what’s going on, and so are we, because we saw him die in the opening scene of the film. Anyway, Marcus finds his way to resistance headquarters with the help of Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin).

Now, here’s where it gets tricky.

Reese is Connor’s father, but right now, Reese is a teenager, and Connor is a grown man. You see, Connor must find his father and prevent him from being killed in order for Reese to travel back in time and knock up Connor’s mother. Get it? This awful, lame plot tool is dead on arrival. Think about it. If Reese dies, will Christian Bale just POOF and disappear? Will his pregnant wife’s belly shrink into nothingness? Maybe there are some diehard Terminator-ites to fill me in, but right now, I haven't a clue.

But you pay the $10+ to watch shit blow up, right? Don’t worry, McG dishes out enough fanboy action to fuel a dozen summer films. Humans fight machines. Machines own humans. Helicopters fall from the sky. Bullets are unloaded by the hundreds. Motorcycles zoom. Blah blah blah.

James Cameron redefined visual effects with his first two Terminator films, and gave us one of American cinema’s most popular characters. Jonathan Mostow destroyed the world with his Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (another unnecessary sequel), and now McG watches the world burn with his film. Bale is good, sure, but have you ever seen him give a bad performance? Either way, nothing can save this plot-hole filled mess. For instance, what/how do these people eat? I mean, let’s be honest, you can’t live off Twinkies and carrots. C-