The A-Team

For the first hour or so of the film, which, somehow, goes by very very fast, I was completely oblivious to any mid-movie epiphanies I may have. But once the movie slowed down, it hit me.

After about the fifth action scene in this ‘80s re-vamp, I realized why I dislike the majority of American action films. It’s quite simply, really. There is too much perfect timing. Too much coincidence to make every little plot aspect work perfectly.

A few examples from this film. In the opening scene, one of the A-Team members is being held captive inside of a stack of tires. The bad guys light the tires on fire but the A-Teamer doesn’t flinch. “You’ll be sorry,” he says. Then right as the flames are about to reach his body BAM a car comes crashing through the barricades, saving the soon-to-be-burned A-Team member.

In another scene, an A-Teamer sits in a mental hospital, the military police hot on his trail, they walk over to him then BAM a truck comes smashing through the concrete wall, saving the soon-to-be-taken-into-custody A-Team member.

How about when another A-Teamer is flat on his back, the main bad guy standing in front of him, pointing a gun in his face. All the guy has to do is pull the trigger. Game over. But no, he sits there and talks and talks and then BAM an A-Teamer on a motorcycle comes flying through the air, and somehow manages to jump off the bike and tackle the would-be gunman.

And then, lastly, I promise, there is an entire action scene that is based around perfect timing and coincidence. If the semi truck the A-Team is hijacking slightly slowed down, a member would be squashed to bits. If the semi was going 2 mph faster, the lead A-Teamer wouldn’t have been able to swing in on a rope and jump onto the moving roof of the vehicle.

I get it. The people who pay to see these movies don’t care about little things like physics and reality, they just want to see shit blow up, which brings me to my final point. The A-Team is trash, yes, but it is, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, enjoyable trash. The cast does an amicable job with the very little dialogue they have and the action scenes (with the exception of the overblown finale) pop, but not without a little too much convenient use of time.

Was I annoyed by this movie? Yes. Was it better than any other blockbuster garbage I’ve seen so far this year? Yes. Do I think your money is better spent elsewhere? Yes. But, hey, if it’s trash you want, it’s trash you got. C-