Today seems like an appropriate day to post videos of movie characters
doing the same exact thing over and over and over. Clichés are funny that way –
they’re almost always nonsense, but they keep appearing in movies anyway. Below
are a handful of popular, realistic clichés that I’ve never actually
experienced in real life. This is not to say that no one has experienced them, but, sadly, not me. Enjoy!
Told someone, “You
look like shit.”
Been the giver/recipient
of food and wine to/from a new neighbor..
 |
| "It's amazingly fresh. You just pop it in the water, and it's done." |
Washed my face in the
sink during a moment of stress..
 |
| Leo loves the face wash. Also see: Shutter Island, The Wolf of Wall Street, many more. |
Not said goodbye (or
some variation) when concluding a phone conversation.
Told someone
something (or done something) really
important while standing in the pouring rain..
 |
| And the plants, too? Couldn't have been fun. |
Worked as a
journalist/marketing professional/administrative assistant/event planner/struggling fashion designer and been able to afford a massive city loft.
 |
| "I'm still stunned by how big... my apartment is." |
Spit liquid out of my
mouth when I was surprised.
Used a computer that
makes a different noise every time I click something.
Left (or received) an
extended message of love (or something else of dire importance) via answering machine/voicemail..
 |
| I love Shame so much that I'm willing to overlook the answering machine. |
Stepped on glass and
not been cut.
This is a realistic depiction of bare skin on glass:
These, however, are not:
And 5 movie clichés that I HAVE experienced
Lost cell phone
service at a really bad (borderline dangerous) time.
Not had my car start at a really bad (borderline dangerous) time.
Viewed great quality surveillance footage that I could actually zoom in and sharpen.
Talked to myself in
the mirror.
Earnestly said,
“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” to someone.
Disarmed a bomb with
two seconds left. (Not really, but that’d be awesome).
Nice list, man. I have a feeling that this one took a lot of thought.
ReplyDeleteI have done the face wash, only because it always seemed to help Leo! Also, I rarely say goodbye on the phone, which probably angers folks, but it feels more dramatic. If anyone ever watches me talk on the phone, they will get such a great cinematic moment. Other than that, I'm in the same boat!
Thanks buddy. It was definitely a long one to put together, but I'm glad you dig it!
DeleteMan, the whole not saying bye on the phone thing is so crazy to me. So you just cut out of the conversation Pacino style? That's hilarious. But do you do it with girlfriends too? Because, man, I can't imagine that the ladies take too kindly to that. Ha.
I absolutely hate talking on the phone, so I suppose people expect me to be short. My fiancé is exactly the same way, so she wants off the phone quick as well. My mom is the only one who is bothered by it (that I know of).
DeleteTo steal a line from Moneyball, "When you get the answer you're looking for, hang up." ha
Haha amen! So cool that you're fiancé is the same way. I'm not a phone guy either. One of the least fun things about directing a flick - gotta be on the phone constantly.
DeleteHaha I love this. I wish I had disarmed a bomb with two seconds left too.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of people who hang up mid-conversations without saying goodbye and they're all friggin jerks with no manners.
One movie cliche that gets on my nerves is when people sit in a taxi and then tell the driver to go "On" or something like that- what the fuck man. I get it, you want to move on with your life but what about the driver? He has a life and maybe a family, what if he doesn't want to go "On" with you. Asshole.
I guess my favourite cliche that I haven't done myself (yet) would be anything that ends in a dance performance :)
Haha thanks! Oh I've definitely had people not say goodbye when I'm on the phone with them. I think it's hilarious.
DeleteWith the taxi thing, do you mean people who get in the back of a cab and say "Just drive..." like in Michael Clayton?
Spontaneously breaking out in dance would be bitchin'.
Yes. Also The Terminal and a few Bollywood movies. I love the films but blehhhh. Maybe I've just met bitchier taxi drivers :/
DeleteYeah I don't know many taxi drivers that I could pass some cash to and just say, "Drive." They'd start bitching about where to go. Ha. Still, made for a great Michael Clayton ending.
DeleteAw man this post was great stuff.
ReplyDeleteMost of these are so funny: the not saying goodbye on the phone thing always makes me laugh. When I read that Al Pacino in Heat instantly flashed in my brain. Someone did that to me I'd ring them back and demand a more formal departure (jokes).
The spitting from the cup at shocking news: me and my friend used to practice doing that just for when the occasion arose. We must have looked like idiots.
For your information tho I do do the wash the face during stress one, which I guess I only do to feel more like Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thanks man! I was going to put a pic of Pacino from Heat under the no-goodbye one, but man, he did it So. Well. in that movie. Fucking hilarious. "Okkaaaaaayyyy..... (click!)"
DeleteAnd hey, sometimes we have to do whatever it takes to feel more like Leo. No judgement from me.
You just cracked me up at work with that last line! These are all definitely cliches but I have experienced a few. I've washed my face when stressed for sure. Also, people who call me at work constantly hang up without saying bye. I never though people actually did that in real life until I started working my "adult" job.
ReplyDeleteHaha glad you liked it! I get the no-goodbye thing a lot too, I just can't imagine actually doing it to someone, especially in a work setting. We all have different temperaments, I suppose.
DeleteI have done one of those things though I have talked to myself in the mirror. Besides, it's the reason why movies aren't like real life and I have no intention of subjecting myself into these cliches or in any of the projects I would like to do.
ReplyDeleteYep, same here. It is funny to me that so many damn movies have these things in them. It's like, "Come on, guys... there are other things you could do there."
DeleteHa--I couldn't stop laughing! I've heard the "You look like shit" line a lot in person but I'm going to chalk it up to living for many years in NYC and being in the company of one of the most proficient cursers of our time.
ReplyDeleteIf a man started to profess his love to me in the pouring rain I would have to hail a cab and leave him standing there. Really? Soaking wet in the freezing rain? Oh you don't know me very well, darling.
I'll make you a deal. If we ever meet up in the pouring rain after I leave you a clandestine phone message and we find a bomb, I'll let you decide whether we cut the red wire or the blue wire!
Haha yes! I'd love to be the designated bomb disarmer. No pressure. I laughed out loud at your freezing rain line. Seriously, who would do that? Most any normal person would say, "Okay, wait a sec, can we just move over right there and do this? Like, under that roof."
DeleteHahahaha this is brilliant. I actually got the whole "you look like shit" thing a lot last year, because I always looked so tired. That's just what we do here in NZ, insult each other. And yeah, the whole pouring rain thing just annoys me a lot. Pouring rain is not a fun thing to be in, I'd rather be inside watching movies.
ReplyDeleteThanks! Damn, there's some harsh shit going down in NZ. I can't imagine actually telling someone that and being serious.
DeleteI'd much rather be inside watching a movie featuring a scene of two people talking in the pouring rain, than actually be talking with someone in the pouring rain. For sure.
Ugh, Hollywood, you know people don't do these things in real life. Dramatic license, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteI've done a variation on the spit take one, though it was more nearly choking on my drink as I read/saw something surprising.
I've definitely done the choking thing when I was surprised, but straight spit out? That's just silly. But yep, dramatic license.
DeleteThe only one I do is splashing water Leo-style, and not just in stressful situations. Refreshing, that one.
ReplyDeleteAs a newspaper reporter, I'm (almost) appalled at how much dramatic license Hollywood takes with my profession. No actual reporter has a well-lit apartment with an open floor plan. See also: two weeks to work one story, fast-paced crime scenes and sources who look like Julia Roberts. Newsroom banter occasionally rises to the level of His Girl Friday, but even that depends on how much caffeine was consumed on that particular day.
So I'm really going to have to try this splashing water on my face thing. Seems to be a popular one!
DeleteI was a newspaper man for 4 years, and I couldn't agree more with you. What a very odd profession to constantly glamorize on film. I just don't get it. Funny story: when my old journalism professor found out I was working for a paper, she asked me to speak to one of her classes. So I did, and the students asked questions that were clearly fueled by what movies and TV had shown them. I was like, "No, you won't be able to afford a nice city loft. No, you won't meet an amazingly hot (or handsome) source and fall in love with them. Real journalism is All the President's Men - long hours, arguments with editors, a slimmed personal life - but it's highly unlikely that you will ever cover a story as big as Watergate."
Gotta tell that truth.
Great stuff here. Let's see...
ReplyDeleteI have told someone, and been told by someone, "You look like shit." Usually, the person on the receiving end of this comment is obviously sick.
I have spit liquid when surprised by something extremely funny.
To add a new (old) one...
I have went to investigate a strange noise in the dark.
So basically... you're just a walking cliché . Ha, I'm kidding! I've definitely investigated a creepy noise in the dark too. And you know what... nothing was there. Try to find THAT in a film.
DeleteWhat a great way to start my morning.. laughing ad ridiculous things. ! :D
ReplyDeleteAlso, I just figured out one of the rom-com's clichés that almost never ever happens in real life: everything rom-com related ! :D :D
DeleteHaha, happy to make you laugh! And yes, most everything we see in romcoms is complete bullshit. That's kind of why I liked the overall message of Don Jon so much: romcoms are as reductive for women as porn is for men. Interesting thought there.
DeleteAmazing list Alex. I want to know more about when your car didn't start when in a dangerous situation! I imagine you were being chased by a gang or something. I too have also been puzzled by the whole not saying'bye' or whatever at the end of a phonecall, I've never known anyone to just hang up!
ReplyDeleteThanks buddy! Actually, you're not far off about the car not starting thing. It involved me leaving a restaurant with some friends, a random group of guys talking shit for no reason, my big mouth, some very hasty walking to the car, and then BAM, car wouldn't start. And my car was in tip-top condition. Everything ended up fine, but it was a tense situation.
DeleteFar scarier was the no cell service thing. Driving across the country, realizing my empty gas light is on, stuck in the middle of nowhere (literally... nowhere), no cell phone service. That sucked.
That was a fun read, thanks for sharing! You're right, they often don't say goodbye. Another phone cliché that I see a lot in movies: Speaking with the receiver on their lifted shoulder and angled head(no hands needed) and walking around in an apartment with wire in hand, it looks cool, but who does that in real life?
ReplyDeleteIt's absurd how many times "Washed my face in the sink during a moment of stress" is used in movies. Should be banned :)
Anyway, I think I'll go and splash some water on my face...
Back in the day when phones actually had wires just about everyone used to do that. That's why that used to sell lots of 25 and 50 foot phone cords, lol.
DeleteThanks for reading, Chris! I definitely don't get the phone cord thing in contemporary movies, but I will agree with Wendell that I saw people do that a lot back in the day. My mom especially. By the time she'd be done with a phone conversation, she'd be mummified in his massive cord. Hilarious.
DeleteI might give the water splashing thing a go here soon. Sounds popular!
@Wendell Ottley @Alex Withrow: Yeah, it's probably older movies with the phone cords I'm thinking of. I guess the family I come from just stood in one spot.
DeleteWhat I find most fun about that whole "balancing the phone on your shoulder thing" is how tricky it actually is. Everyone in the movies is perfect at it, I could never do that without phone falling down, lol
Ha, I'm with you there. Or if I do balance it, then my neck hurts like a son of a bitch after. Just not very practical.
DeleteAwesome list! :P I've never understood the appeal of talking and doing things in the rain, especially things like sex. That caption for the Match Point pic was dead accurate. You can also find a lot of these clichés in Bollywood films. Speaking of, have you ever watched any Hindi films?
ReplyDeleteThanks! I think sex in general is often portrayed horribly in films. I mean, I LOVE Match Point, but that moment is complete and utter bullshit. Like, what did they do when they were done...? Just walk back inside this insanely gorgeous estate home soaking wet? Come on.
DeleteI haven't seen many Hindi films, but I'd really love to explore some soon!
This post is hilarious! May possibly be my favorite post I've seen this week so far. I'll say this, I have told someone they look like shit, a lot actually. In fact, I said it to my best friend almost every five minutes when we were in Vegas.
ReplyDeleteI've also washed my face in a sink when stressed...
The rest, not so much (well, aside from the bomb thing, which happens to me all the time).
Haha glad you like the list man! Really appreciate you reading. Well, okay, Vegas... yeah. We do have a tendency to look like shit there, especially in the last and first hours of the day. A shit kickin' time, Vegas.
DeleteOh, yes. The fancy apartment thing. There are so many ridiculous romantic movies and the most ridiculous thing is how all those young people with some silly created-for-a-movie job they never show up to either way, live in all those cool apartments. There is this stupid Aniston/Rudd comedy, Wanderlust - but at least they lived in a freaking hole, so that's what I appreciated there.
ReplyDeleteThe water thing to me always seemed ridiculous, but maybe it's different for guys. My make up wouldn't survive something like this.
You know, when a movie accurately shows what a city apartment looks like (in relation to the job the character has), then I automatically appreciate it. Even if I don't end up liking the film as a whole. I know you detest Girls, but that's something that show does really well. They all live in tiny shit boxes.
DeleteI LOVE when female characters do the face wash thing because it makes No. Sense.
Omg this is so awesome. I've definitely spit a drink out due to laughter or shock multiple times. But seriously...who has done anything romantic in the rain?
ReplyDeleteHa, thanks! Yeah, rain romance is not my thing, it just seems so cold and, you know...messy.
DeleteHaha! This is a great list. I've actually done several of these things. I guess you tell people you are really close to when they look like shit. And face palm with water, check. And not say goodbye, boy I must be one abrupt person on the phone. People must say goodbye ten ways, I say thanks and hangup. I've received stuff from neighbors, probably not wine though - you have to live on a ritzier neighborhood. Actually I've seen someone step on glass and not get cut but I've definitely gotten cut myself. Is it a weight issue? Anyway, love it was all about what you've experienced. Cheers
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked the list! Really appreciate you stopping by and commenting. I think getting cut by glass is a glass issue, not a weight issue. It's funny, when you look at Die Hard... during that feet scene, his feet get all cut and bloodied from the glass. But 15 minutes, the dude jumps through a fucking window and is fine. The hilarity of Hollywood contradictions. Thanks again for stopping by!
DeleteThe phone thing still bugs me, and I've been seeing it for decades. Yeah, I know it saves a few seconds of filming and editing not having them say goodbye to each other, but it's so unnatural that it usually takes me out of the movie for a little bit.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Unnatural is the best word for it, and it always manages to take me out of the film for a moment or two.
Delete"Disarmed a bomb with two seconds left. (Not really, but that’d be awesome)." I loved that haha. This list is really great. I’ve had some laughs watching some scenes that looked ridiculous, like the phone thing or the “you look like shit”. I think it was while watching Homeland the other day, they said it and I thought: does anyone really say that? It’s good to see other people feel the same way about it. Talking about weird things, the phone thing is the weirdest to me. Specially when they’re in the middle of a serious-dramatic conversation and then they just hung. And you feel like wtf? Are you not gonna say any other word to that person? You’re gonna leave us like this? I think it's a bad thing from the script - or maybe the director wants to cut the scene - it feels like they don't have any other good line, but it feels terribly abrupt. A funny one is the spit thing. Does anybody really do that? And the washing your face thing, I haven't realized till now that Leo does it a lot. They have a tendency to make people go to the bathroom and wash their faces in stressful moments, specially men. Or at least I remember more male characters doing it than female. The answering machine thing is weird too... and the big loft is quite common specially in big productions and it also bothers me. Another one you haven't mentioned and that I find weird is how they always find a parking spot. Everywhere they go, even in crowded cities with plenty of cars in the streets they find a perfect place for their car just in front of the place where they were going. Another one with the car: they usually leave the doors open. They get out of the car and they never close the doors. Even when they can do it with the remote control. I guess they’re not afraid of someone getting into or taking their cars.
ReplyDeleteThe phone thing to me feels terribly abrupt as well. I do think it’s an attempt for directors to capitalize on the drama, but it always throws me off for a bit. However, if you read back through the comments some of my lovely readers have left here, a few of them openly admit to doing that in real life so… who knows. To each their own!
DeleteYour car ones are perfect. I love when characters easily get parking spaces in big cities. I’m like, “No, actually, you’d be driving around for 20 minutes looking for a spot.” And in addition to the leaving the door open thing, movie characters never lock their damn cars either. So frustrating!
Haha, I love this! I've never experienced any of these cliches either. I've talked to myself in the mirror though, and I've said "I'll be right back."
ReplyDeleteHa, thanks man. Yep, I've done both of those too!
DeleteA lot of these I've seen/done simply because they're in movies, and they've ingrained themselves into my life. I've told people they look like shit (and been told the same too, maybe I should shower more?), taken a batch of cupcakes around to new neighbours once and I've undertaken several spit-takes, though generally on purpose. As for face washes? Barely does a day go by when I don't do this. I don't think I've ever hung the pone up without saying goodbye, but I do this in person a lot instead. I'll occasionally just wander off instead of announcing my departure, which apparently is quite annoying. I rub the sides of my nose like Juror #4 as well, and every time I fall off a cliff I do a Wilhelm scream.
ReplyDeleteI've also had the stern conversation/pep talk with myself in the bathroom mirror, most memorably in the teen-comedy cliche of pre-virginity-losing. "Calm down, you can do this, be cool." etc.
Great list Alex, very original idea (despite being about highly unoriginal things).
Thanks man! I love that you just wander off... that's hilarious. Keen on the Irish Goodbye, you are. As for the cupcake thing, that is really, truly, a very kind gesture from you, and I’m sure your neighbors appreciated it. But man, if I just moved into a place and some dude showed up with cupcakes, I’d be weirded out haha.
DeleteAlso love your explanation for the talking in the mirror thing. Priceless.
Ha, nice. Aside from telling someone they look like shit, I haven't experienced any of these either. My dad's neighbor showed up at his door and gave him a pie and a bible when he first moved into his house. That's about as close as I get. lol
ReplyDeleteHahhaha oh shit, a pie and a Bible. That is hysterical. Nothing tops The Good Book and a delicious dessert.
DeleteAhah, great topic :) I'm kind of tired of the washing face when you're stressed. Or saying something important during the rain (that's quite lame now).
ReplyDeleteNot saying goodbye over the phone probably to cut precious duration :)) will be rude in reality
Thanks! Yep, gotta watch that precious duration time. Haha. But yeah, the rain thing... that should be put to rest.
DeleteThe glass one is the most revealing because pain and often bodily injury is the biggest cliche in the movies. Rarely, if ever, is it portrayed realistically.
ReplyDelete..if someone gets shot anywhere other than the head or through the chest it's a survivable "flesh wound" - "it's okay, you'll be okay" ...so the character stands up, brushes himself/herself down and gets on with whatever it is they are doing. In reality, a gunshot wound, or any sort of deep invasive wound to the leg or arm could potentially be just as life threatening and hastily physically debilitating.
Great top 10 though Alex...had fun reading through these and nodding in agreement as I read each one. :)
Thanks Dan! Why is it that bodily injury is treated so nonchalantly in movies? Very odd to me. It's as if filmmakers (or studio heads) want to create the perception that we're all invincible.
DeleteThat's actually one of my biggest movie pet peeves, only because when violence is depicted accurately, a lot of people think it's fake. I always recall The Apostle with Robert Duvall. Dude hits another guy in the head with a small baseball bat, and the guy ends up dying, which could very well happen in real life.
A new list of over the top Clichés but fun to watch. "Bond. James Bond"
ReplyDeleteHa, nice one. Also, the best uses of The Wilhelm Scream.
DeleteWow, great choice. Also the one tear cried. Nr. 10(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYziL5oeyiM).
DeleteThat's a cool video right there.
DeleteYou are one very funny dude. Now, don't go all Pesci on me! I mean funny as in you have a great sense of humour.
ReplyDeleteHaha, thanks! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get my shine box.
Delete